It’s a beautiful thing, the close of winter. It felt like a very long time coming this year, and I think that makes those Redbud blossoms even sweeter. It still doesn’t feel like spring, but there are little hints of it…green grass, budding trees, and even the wasps buzzing in the mailbox today were a welcome sight!
This afternoon as I carried the trash to the road, I kind of took it all in…I listened to the sound of each step crunching and let the wind whip my hair around without even brushing it back. It is coming slowly this year, instead of all at once – giving us a chance to really be filled with gratitude when it finally does bestow the full splendor of Springtime! I realized today that instead of appreciating each little step of the progress, I’ve just been impatient and annoyed that it wasn’t ALL here yet! And then I thought about how sometimes my school days with my daughter look like that, too. My impatience for her to get it ALL right now!
I try hard to be patient with my kids, in all aspects, but we all lose our cool sometimes. Truly, math has always brought out the worst in me…some things haven’t changed since childhood! 😉 I give her all the tools, explain it all…and then it doesn’t always click. So, we do it again…I find a great teaching video or think of a great analogy to help her visualize…and it still doesn’t always click. In that moment I have to start breathing deep and consciously making the choice to be calm, be kind, and be patient. It isn’t always easy, but when I fail at it I always regret it.
However, after the hard stuff (that sometimes last way longer than I’d like), there is that magical moment when it finally comes together for her! Every time she really gets a new concept, I am sure the heavenly, homeschool angels burst out in the hallelujah chorus! It is the most satisfying (and relieving) feeling in the world!! At that moment, I go through all the blubbering stages of how happy I am to be home with my kids, how grateful I am to get this front row seat at her education, how brilliant my child is, and feeling like we finally have this school thing down! 😆
But now that we’ve arrived at this point where my anxiety can relax, the gratitude sets in not just for the relief and excitement of the victory – but for all the moments before. The moments that seemed like they would kill us both and suck every bit of joy from learning! Because it was in those moments we learned grit, we learned to laugh when we want to cry (or sometimes while we cry), and we learned that no matter how frustrated we are – we will never give up on each other and we will always deep breathe our way through to the other side.
So, today I want to remember to look for the bits of green buds poking through the muddy days of homeschool. I will listen for the birds starting to chirp and lean in to hear the bees starting to buzz. Little by little spring will come, and this time I want to have felt the joy of each tiny gift along the way!
-Vanessa
