Parenting is hard. But I’m here to tell you, we can do this. We can get through every hard stage, because our kids are worth our effort! My constant parenting mantra these days is “today will not last forever…but the lessons from it will.” I want to be patient while my kids work through tough stuff and offer them all the right tools to get through it. I don’t want to give up on them learning meaningful things, in a real and lasting way, by demanding immediate perfection that will really only look good on the outside. I want their hearts to guide their behavior, not fear…and hearts are slower to mold. It’s hard…but I feel confident it will be worth it. I see little results from it every day…but sometimes it’s easy to question ourselves.
Ryker has struggled over the past few months with being able to use his imagination to entertain himself during times when his sister can’t play with him. He can play all day long with his sister…but if he has to play alone he will often choose to spend his time pouting or whining and just wasting his time waiting for her! Now, I LOVE how much my kids love each other, but being able to be happy on your own is a pretty important skill…and I’m not willing to let him just waste his life waiting on other people to fulfill his happiness. So…every, single, morning we’ve been sitting down and repeating the same thing…”you DO have the ability to entertain yourself, you ARE a very smart boy, NO ONE but you is responsible for your happiness, and I WILL NOT allow you to be disruptive because you are frustrated.” Frankly, it would be a lot easier for me to just say, “Ryker just doesn’t play well by himself” and turn on the tv. But I know that even though some things are harder for one person than they are for another, that doesn’t mean they should get a free ticket to give up! And guess what…he has already shown great improvement in this area! He gets excited when he realizes how well he is doing and will come and tell me ways that he is being creative and busy all by himself!
Each of us has our own personality and characteristics that make us who we are. But, we can’t settle into bad behavior or bad habits and say, “well, that’s just who I am”…even though that’s exactly what I’m guilty of doing at times! Bad behavior and bad habits are exactly that, they are a choice…albeit a hard one, at times. Each of us has certain behaviors that we struggle with, but that’s exactly what it should be…a struggle! It’s okay for life to be hard at times…struggles and joy are not an either/or! Often it’s the struggle that brings us joy! My kids are always the happiest after they accomplish something that they really worked hard at! For me, that is one of the reasons I love to run…it’s an incredible feeling to push through something that is so hard both physically and mentally and then finally overcome that struggle! Real life hardships are no different!
I’m not gonna lie, parenting basically just feels like you move from one difficult stage to the next! But, such is life and I’m determined to try and do my best for my children. Full disclosure, there have been plenty of times that I took the easy route…and every time I have, it has made things much harder later on! But, those are the times when I sit down and have an honest conversation with my kids and say, “I’ve been lazy and letting this slide…and I’m sorry for that. Because I’m your parent and it’s my job to guide you. So, going forward, we’re gonna do this differently.” I think being honest with your kids is key to gaining a respectful relationship with them. So talk to your kids about doing the hard things, admit to them when you’ve failed at it yourself, and explain to them why it’s so important in the long run! Your kids can understand so much more than they are given credit for! The younger you start explaining to them why you are doing the things you are doing (even at a very deep level), the younger they will be able to understand their own emotions and how to handle them in a healthy way.
Your child is worth the struggle of consistency. Your child is worth your struggle of exhaustion. Parenting survival mode happens…and that’s okay…just don’t live there. Today is a chance to do better! We can do this. I’m not judging you…I’m rooting for you…because I know that we can all make the choice to persevere…and that it will all be worth it in the end!
-Vanessa
